When people come to realize about the dangers of taking things personally , they are frustrated; they say that sometimes it takes ages for them to see that they are even in that state and they forget what actually caused it.
And thus the questions asked are: 1.How can I become more aware of my state? And 2. What caused it?
We have got two separate issues or problems here concerning taking things personally.
Part one: One does not realize in real time, and not later, that they took something personally.
Part two: When (and if) they do realize it, they don’t have any idea what caused it.
Part One: Awareness at the Time
The reason why people don’t feel when they take something personally at the time is because most of the time the act of taking things personally wisps out all awareness of it. This is because we are conditioning our reactions to difficult cases – by repressing it immediately, it works like that; when we feel that the pain is trans passing the threshold of our awareness – it immediately becomes wiped out from our awareness, this is a learned response, that initially comes to protect us from pain when it reaches an unbearable level of stress. So it is completely natural that the one who took something personally – doesn’t know when he took something personally.
So, how to increase our awareness when we dive into that state?
Well, the direction I offer is to do with self-acceptance: People don’t know that they are in the midst of this terrible state, because they refuse to admit to themselves that they got crushed. We try to preserve our best self-esteem as much as possible, and we deny anything which might spoil this self-image that says that ‘I am ok and my life is ok’(which all of us are in a powerful self-suggestion about it), or we believe that we are on the way to be free from such disasters. And admitting that one took something personally – damages our self-image, so we prefer to maintain a high self-image, and not let anything against high self-esteem – to be filtered in.
So, the first step is admission: (Even when one thinks that it is just a passing incident). Admission (admitting to yourself that you took something personally) is the way to recuperate, when denial is worsening the effect of taking things personally.
My suggestion is the opposite: Instead of denying and hiding – whenever there is the most tiny suspicion that you don’t feel so good for no apparent reason, or that you are being hostile towards someone for no apparant reason (which is the one that caused you to take it personally) – go against your tendency to dismiss it –and instead admit that you took something personally, even when in doubt about it – you must be more strict – choose admitting that you fell again, even if you are not completely sure about it (but you know that you cannot trust your mechanical reactions in this dangerous matter) so, when in doubt, then instead of denying and wiping it off, the possibility of something more serious (taking it personally) – you should go to the opposite direction: Choose deliberately that you took personally. This admission will take out of the closet the repressed state, where it causes the most damage, when you do admission the taking it personally is on the way out.
So no denial, and when in doubt – choose that you took something personal, which is the case only too often…
A comment: Taking something or someone personally, is not a process, it is a sudden happening. Actually it is being kidnapped into a honor show state.
Part Two: the Cause
Finding the reason for why one took something personally is very difficult, there are many psychological blockages on the way to discover the reason.
And the reason (for the person) is beyond any possibility of comprehension, it hides itself so well, that it might be the last thing you would take into account.
At this point I would like to stress that if you uncover the original cause, (which always lies in the domains of the unknown) – it is much more effective than the first suggestion about the importance of admission. When you do discover it (which is incredibly difficult) not only do you get out of it, but you get transported to a higher level…
So, now the question is: How to find what caused it?
Well, unfortunately it could not be done by oneself, the blockages and repressions are too deep.
The only way is to have what I call a detective dialogue or analysis, in which the partner of the dialogue asks the one who took something personally who doesn’t have a clue about the reason – searching questions, in which at first you put to him all the possible situations, that in one of them it began. Then when you find the zone and the territory of the cause, the next question of the partner would be to count all the possible reasons within the said territory, and then he has to give a mark out of 10 to each possible reason, and the one that gets the highest points – is the original cause. And then you see that the fear of discovering what was wrong: finding the real reason – has a great release and healing in it.
Sometimes, when the person reached a comparative high level of consciousness – he might be able to do it to himself.