Toxic, Cyclic and Developing – in a Love Relationship

It all begins with birth and at the same time s/he gets wrapped totally by love. Love is the first thing they meet.

It is the purest, highest and the best nourishment for the soul. Without it it is naked and poor.

But then love has to go through the process of living as a couple, and then like many things in this life – as it comes to be a part of the process of life- we find in it the law of Murphy*: (“if there is a chance that something would go wrong – most chances that it would“): it is easier to slip down than climb up. And so it is with love; there are double chances that there would be problems, against only one single chance of having constructive love. And there is another saying of mine: “the power of the bad to do badly is more powerful than the good to do well”… 

So, before we dive into the issue of love, I want to deal with the 2 kinds of undesirable love approaches which don’t work for love. 

  Well there are 2 routes for love-relationships which are not so good for the ongoing process of living with love. 

I would like to begin with one less damaging way to live the process of love: 

1.Cycles: First wrong way: This is to do with change of atmospheres between the two: from negative dynamic to positive dynamic, It is a seesaw, moving in and out of two states: negative emotional state and positive emotional state. (The cause is usually being hurt [being personally involved].  Moving between having a good atmosphere between them to a bad one. 

As for number two (cycles), I will not expand here, for almost all are experiencing it, in different frequencies. My best advice in this matter is to be fatalistic about it. It is a cycle: like the seasons, or the times of the day, we live in cycles. 

Image result for Ecclesiastes 1:9:

Now to the second unfortunate route of love relationship, is the worst, and much less common (thank God…).

2.Toxics: The second very wrong way:

The second route is at the bottom of degeneration: poisonous, toxic, relationship. 

Now to the subject of toxic relationship itself: according to licensed therapist  many of her clients who were in toxic relationships ended up experiencing physical symptoms, with no obvious medical explanation.

This poisoning means that the body is going through its own turmoil, with high levels of stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol, paired with dopamine when given affection as a reward.

One common symptom of a poisoned relationship is feeling constantly tired and worn down.

This poisoning over time can end up in autoimmune issues like inflammation, body aches, and skin flare-ups. 

After they have been toxicated they usually lose their appetite. 

Muscle tightness is a huge indicator for being poisoned.

A comment: most impressions and signals about in which the toxic love is taking place, is in a particular kind of a language: informal language. 

Quotes on toxic love:

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/toxic

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/toxic-love

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/toxic-relationships

3.Love: The Third, right way:

Now back to Love. Love is initially so pure and uplifting as though it comes from another universe.

The love we are born with is infantile, and the potential (and is a preferable) road in front of us to take love as raw material in order to develop it from the infantile level to a mature level of love. It is raw and full of potential, just like a young baby, it is not yet what it could be. In order to be what love could reach to – much mutual inner work is needed; to take the infantile level in which they find their love, and by mutual hard work. Like: ongoing self reflection of each other to each other, searching for truth togther, not allowing the partner to become personally involved, and if the partner does get into it anyway, then trying to help him/her to get out of it. They give total support in case of weakness of the partner, and in this case , to do it without blaming. And then all this hard mutual personal development work would develop their relationship into a higher and higher level and only then, love reaches the mature level of full bloom).

Without making a contract about doing such personal development together in their love – what is waiting for them as a couple – is daily routine and the other 2 (not attractive) options (in the relationship). 

The only way for the love to survive is to grow it, and it won’t grow if both don’t work hard and continuously to upgrade it –together. 

A Book which is stressing the issue of self-mutual work on love is: Erich Fromm in his book: “The art of loving'”. 

Image result for mature love

They must use their relationship to help each other to further develop. And the development, must be, at the same time, of each one individually, and of the level of their love, mutually.

Examples of Murphy’s law:

https://sawmillcreek.org/showthread.php?145941-20-Examples-of-Murphy-s-Law

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/murphy-s-law

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