On Asking For a Friendly Advice

Asking for advice — Ronan Kennedy

When asking for advice from a friend, instead of it being handled with great care, for the one who is asking is opening up him/herself to you, exposing his/her helplessness to you, trusting you– you are using the space given to you by being dominant, all knowing, deciding instead of him, telling him what to do. As though when asked to give advice you are giving up all the rights of the one asking for advice. You are taking over control.

They don’t understand that when asked for advice it is not because they are all wise and the one asking for advice – is all stupid, this is not the case at all. What is needed is not a ‘know it all’ response, not a definite answer, (for this is ‘a closing option’) but to join the question of the one asking for advice with a greater question of his own, so that both would ask the question together, and together they might find the route to the deeper level, where only there, a new fresh view is possible. 

When seeking advice – we do so because we are stuck, the one being asked for advice cannot possibly have the keys, for he doesn’t live in the skin of the one seeking advice.  Whatever he knows, most chances that the seeker for advice knows himself, he doesn’t need a teacher, or a master, to tell him what to do, he needs a friend to join him in his search, so they can search together. If he is being asked for advice he should come back with a bigger, deeper, wider spectrum, more conscious – question. 

We are never short of advice, everyone has got a few. But we are short of supporting friends, who will do the empathic act and widen and deepen our search, by joining it, because only together we might find the right direction.

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