This essay is from the book: “Life between Consciousness and Soul”, Volume 1 by Gabriel Raam
Our problem with others is difficult to trace. We see ourselves with others as a separate unit and exchange information with another one. And each one preserves their own identity. This is a rational, narrow, and material approach, which doesn’t consider the affinity and relations between both. The moment two people meet, and there is an interaction, it does not matter what is each one himself. It is secondary to the affinity developed between them. An affinity is containing what comes from both of them. And they’re in something which did not exist before in each of them. I can even say that they are no longer exactly who they were when they were alone. They are now not living in themselves but in the middle created between them. They are influenced more by the relations created rather than their individual personality in the given interaction time.
But it is not as simple as that; this is true only if they allow themselves to be melted into the mutual affinity and thus let something new take shape. In general, it does not happen. The individual personality, or the ego, is too dominant and does not allow for the affinity to happen.
In a situation of affinity, the relationship should be the influential element on everyone separately, rather than the other way around.
Suppose one allows the relational affinity to take place between both. In that case, they can experience a kind of revelation, a world, and experiences not available in the frequent interactions (in which one is faithful to their own separate unite). And will have to adjust to the new things discovered during the relational affinity.
But most of us are chained to who we are and to who we think we are, and we don’t allow the affinity of the relationship to be the central ingredient between us.
In affinity relations, the ego shrinks and makes room for something unknown to take place between both. And then there is a mystery and adventure, but it may be a danger because, in affinity relations, you don’t know and are not responsible for what could develop between the two.
In analogy, the relationship in which each one keeps their autonomy is like the old Newtonian physics, which saw everything as a separate matter. There was no affinity between the various partials; this is very different from quantum physics, which considers matter as a space in which an energetic interaction occurs between the subatomic particles. And what seems to us as a separate matter is, in fact, the energetic affinity relations between the subatomic particles and other particles. In other words, there is energetic activity below the particular subatomic unit. And the speed of the rotation and the movement of the subatomic particles gives the illusion of solid matter.
In fact, from a quantum standpoint, there are no separate material units, but there are affinity relations between essential energetic ingredients and other subatomic particles.
Martin Buber is a philosopher who relates to the relation or affinity in communication. He claimed that there are two kinds of human relations; a relation of ‘I and thou’(it) and a relation of ‘I and you.’ According to him, the single human is not what is essential, but their affinity with the other.
According to him, the modern world is in the direction of ‘I and thou’ and not ‘I and you.’ He claims that current relationships are relations of alienation in which we treat each other as though they were an object (I thou). This techno-scientific relation brings to modern human loneliness and spiritual boredom.
Here are the differences between affinity relations and object and separation relations.
With ‘I and thou,’ the other is an object.
With ‘I and you,’ the other is a subject:
- With a mutual affinity, their partner and I are in an equal mutual affinity.
- You and I are in the same status and position. The other is not a tool to reach a purpose, satisfy a need, interest, etc.
- The relationship between you and me is without mediation, and it is authentic and mutual.
- The other is not under measurement and objective evaluation.
- The affinity has a limited time, but it influences profoundly and, for a long time, the personality of the people involved.
What is essential in communication is not the positioning and the feeling of the individual, but a third thing, that comes from both but lives separate from them. Interpersonal affinity happens in the shared space between them.
This approach is strengthened by the teaching of the Tao (Chinese mysticism of Lao Tzu), which emphasizes the mutual relations between two separate human units more than their individual center of gravity.
Joseph Needham, in his book: ‘Science and civilization in China,’ claims that Chinese philosophy was finding reality in relations.
In the relational or affinity world, there is no meaning to the existence of a separate unit, only to the relation. It makes with other units that stop being faithful to themselves the moment the affinity is created.
- In a quantum communication (if it could be said so), the units which take part in the affinity happening (‘I you’) live in an empty world, but a world in which energy can move from unit to unit freely. And then each unit returns to itself fertilized and charged by a transcendental experience that leaves a profound impact, and they are no longer the same unit as before.
- But today’s rational, leaner, mechanistic person sees the emptiness and the void between both as a frightening abyss that threatens to swallow the communicators into a non-being, a disappearance of them in the void between them. They do not see the void as an opportunity for actualization and life of affinity.
They need to through themselves into the void between them and see what will happen between them, an entity created by both and influences each other.
Usually, we do not create between us a free and empty field in which will happen something new that was not in each one of us before. So that after this conversation, we return to ourselves renewed with a view we did not have before the exchange.
What usually happens is that this void, this silence between us, frightens us both and causes us to get closed even further in ourselves.
That means that we will do anything to fill the void, the threatening silence, especially talking about what does not touch the life of any of us.
How rare is it to create such an affinity between two participants? Very rare. And if it happens, they will probably associate it with the chemistry between both, not the affinity.
When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.
– Martin Buber
Quantum theory thus reveals a basic oneness of the universe. It shows that we cannot decompose the world into independently existing smallest units. As we penetrate into matter, nature does not show us any isolated “building blocks” but instead appears as a complicated web of relations between the various parts of the whole. These relations always include the observer in an essential way.
The properties of a particle can only be understood in terms of its activity—of its interaction with the surrounding environment—and that the particle, therefore, cannot be seen as an isolated entity but has to be understood as an integrated part of the whole.”